So, I'm completely frustrated with myself right now.
I have tons of goals and dreams and plans and nothing is panning out! I feel like I'm always taking one step forward and two steps back.
1: I want to get out of debt and I feel like that is never going to happen. I need to be able to work outside of the house to make the kind of money we need to get out of debt quickly and anyone who knows me knows I'm not putting my kids in daycare (plus, there aren't many jobs to spare in this economy).
2: I want to take this photography thing seriously but I don't have the start-up money I need to get all the equipment that I need. ie: Photoshop CS4, new lenses, fancier camera, a better computer, lights, flashes, tripods...
I know, I know, I should take one step at a time but I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'll get more work with the nice equipment but I can't buy the equipment until I get more work. Bah!
3: I have friends doing AWESOME things with themselves. I feel like I'm jumping up and down in a crowded room sometimes and no one even sees me. I feel like I'm disappointing some friends by not calling enough and I feel like I'm irritating some friends by calling too much (even though I don't think I'm calling that much)... Sometimes you just get a vibe from people, you know? I just can't find my footing.
4: We are so unsettled! We don't know where we're going to live, whether Jake is going to stay on the career track he's on or not, if we're going to have more kids or ever be debt free. I just feel like nothing is sure. All the people I'm surrounded with know exactly what they're going to be doing. They've made up their mind; they're in grad school and there is no turning back. We keep trying to figure out what exactly is going to work best for us and frankly, it's making me crazy.
Anyways, I know I'm a bummer but since no one even reads my blog anyway it shouldn't matter.
Dorothy and Nacho
10 years ago
4 comments:
FYI, I read your blog and love it. And you're not a downer, you're a human being dealing with life. I can relate with some of the things you are feeling. I hope that things start to look up for you.
-Amy Bradford
I read your blog and especially your photography blog- you are so talented! You are such a good mom, I see the way you are with them and I know how blessed having more kids would mean to your family. Life's descision can be difficult. The only thing I can say is keep with your photography, you are SO good! Maybe we can have a fundraiser to raise money to get you CS4? I have things you could sell!
Starleigh! I read your blog too! I sometimes wonder if people read my blog...sometimes no comments leaves ya feeling like you're in the dark! I'm going to try and be better about commenting on the blogs I read:)
I agree with Pumba...we all go through our ups and downs as human beings and children of God trying to navigate through this earthly, and sometimes confusing, existence. I have been in a kinda unsettled mood myself all day...no fun! :(
You are an awesome photographer, and everybody has to start somewhere! I wanted to tell you to check out the photo editing program called "Gimp" it's free and just like photoshop. Stace uses it and he said he'd be happy to give you a tutorial! :)
I also wanted to tell you to remember that the cliche "the grass is always greener on the other side" is almost never really true. Stace is in grad school, yet we still find ourselves sometimes wondering what's best for us, specifically in terms of his career...so like you and Jake, we're not 100% sure all the time. Stace goes through phases where he thinks he might like something else better, and then changes his mind. I think it's just part of being in such a transitional phase of our lives as young families (and there's a lot of pressure on the men-- the providers...they want to make sure they make the right decision so the back and forth is normal, I think). I just try and reassure Stace that Heavenly Father will guide us and light our sometimes obscure paths, and won't ever let us go too far in the wrong direction without stopping us, if we are seeking His will in our lives. It all can be very confusing, and feeling unsettled is not the best feeling, but you guys will get through it! I know it! :)
Starleigh, I think that you are a really naturally talented photographer even without the fancy equipment and I can't wait for you take more pictures of your niece! Me and David don't know where we're headed either, we can't live on his current salary only forever. I think it only seems like you're alone in the boat with things like this. You just don't see what people are dealing with from the outside ya know?
I'm not great at pep talks even when I want to be, so just read Kim's again! She's the best!
And I always love your blogs and getting updates on the kids and the family!
See you in a couple of weeks!
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